THE FIRST TIME…AND ADHD

NOT THAT FIRST TIME LOL

the first time I think I’ve ever been so stressed

I didn’t really care at GCSE but at AS levels,these are the grades that everyone depends on for university.

I’ve been LUCKY SO FAR TO GET WHERE I AM BUT THERE’S A PROBLEM. I DON’T KNOW IF I HAVE ADHD.

I know people with ADHD are capable of getting ALL A’S AND B’S AND A*’S ,BUT I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE EVER BEEN SO UNSURE OF MYSELF

I HAVE my French speaking exam on Thursday, and my photography exam tomorrow – which I need to finish my sketchbooks for so I can give them in.

I thought since I was 12 that I had ADHD
I don’t know if I mentioned it in a post before but I’M NOT SURPRISED IF I DID BECAUSE IT’S A RECURRING THING IN MY LIFE NOW – but even if I don’t have it, I wonder what it is that I have. I have a lot of willpower, but apparently I thought willpower would ‘fix’ ADHD, but it doesn’t – it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain.

I know everyone thinks they have ADHD, but I am a proud person, and I would never really say that I had ADHD until I seriously thought there was something that made me think so strongly

I’m extremely unobservant, I always cut into other people’s conversations and lose my words as they’re coming out of my mouth

I feel like it’s worse than before

and a DIAGNOSIS COSTS FRICKING £2000 FROM WHAT I HEAR

SO WHAT DO I DO I MEAN I CAN’T TELL MY TEACHERS BECAUSE I DIDN’T DIAGNOSE IT YET

BUT I RISK FALLING BEHIND EVERYONE ALL THE TIME AND I HATE IT

I HATE IT AND I WONDER IF IT’S JUST ME AND THE WAY I ACT

OR IF IT’S BECAUSE I HAVE THIS ADHD THAT I CAN NEVER DIAGNOSE EXCEPT FROM SHITTONS OF ONLINE TESTS

I’M REALLYLYYYYY5YYYYYYYYYYY ANGRY FRICKING SHIT I

Used to be able to manage it

I’M NOT ACTUALYL THAT ANGRY NOW AFTER TYPING THAT I WAS ANGRY 2 LINES AGO

but I WONDER HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE STUPID OR DUMB BECAUSE THEY HAVE THIS

AND BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS THEY HAVE IT ANYWAY, NONE OF THEM TRY TO DIAGNOSE IT

I JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTT WANNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTT TO KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

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